He is risen, indeed!

I just finished the Lineage of Grace series (on my list of books to read for this year). While I realize that while there is a lot of “fiction” in this genre, I still do love to read historical fiction. I think often times we study history (even in the Bible) and it’s hard to make it personalized. It’s hard to really get a sense for who the characters are. But, when I read historical fiction I appreciate that the author has taken an opportunity to explore the time period through the intimate details of a character and his/her life.
The final two books in Francine Rivers’s Lineage of Grace series looked at Bathsheba and Mary’s role in fulfilling the coming of the Messiah . I didn’t plan to finish this series on the day that our Lord has risen, but it was oh, so appropriate.
While reading about Mary I often got the sense that she found it difficult to completely give up her motherly control over Jesus. She knew he was coming to fulfill a prophecy, yet her human nature and motherly tendencies (at least in this perspective) constantly wanted to protect him. She felt hurt by him when he wanted to go do what his Father wanted him to do (i.e. be in the Temple and leave to talk with people). I know in my head that Little Belle (and any other kids we’re blessed with) are not mine. God has complete control to do with them what he wants, and yet I , like Mary, so badly wanted to protect her physically and emotionally. But, my heart feels something different. To be in a position like Mary and know that my son/daughter would have to die in order for a prophecy of the Lord to be fulfilled would tear me to pieces.
One of the questions at the end of the final book in the series asked us to make a list of the things that distract us from hearing the voice of God. Unfortunately, I think doubt is one of my distractions. ‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, but how hard it is to REALLY trust him. I tend to be one who likes to have a nice amount of control over what’s happening around me. During my final full year of teaching I was on a control high. I had just about full control over everything that happened in my classroom. If I didn’t have control I voiced my opinion until the reins returned to my hands. It was really strange, actually, that that year I would approach a complete reliance on me when a few short months later God revealed to me that I need to stay home with our daughter thus losing my prime arena to hold everything in my hand.
Saying or writing that I have doubt in the ability of God is really scary to me. I know the truth. He has proven that He knows His people from leading Moses to raising Jesus. There should be no doubt that he will lead me as well. At the end of the book Mary was reflecting on her relationship with her son, and she realized that she herself was a source of temptation for Jesus. She questioned where he was going, and tried to persuade him to go places he didn’t need to go to avoid hurt and possibly death.
I have no idea what God has in store for Little Belle. I don’t know how she will be used to turn others to Him, but I know that I don’t want to be the person who stands in the way of God and His perfect plan.